Still Polly

I am not bragging here, but we have hosted Thanksgiving for the better part of twenty-five years. This means this particular family tradition is old enough to both drink and drive and it has done both. Now that I’m staring down the barrel of this year’s turkey day, I thought I’d share some tips and tricks I’ve used over the years that may—or let’s be real, probably won’t—save your sanity. Tip 1: If you stress about how fancy or planned out you think everything needs to be, you will spend all your time worrying about it and that’s no fun for anybody. Our family Thanksgiving is essentially a big carry-in, where the family brings side dishes, desserts, snacks, and appetizers. We provide the turkeys (usually plural), mashed potatoes, gravy, and a couple of extra sides just in case. We also provide napkins, paper plates, plasticware (yes, girl, we fancy), and some of the drinks. Long ago we were more deliberate about who was going to bring what, now we just say: “Bring what you always bring...

  “Are you taking your vitamins with chopsticks now?” Bob seemed slightly concerned. “Yes, I am,” I told him. “What happened to the tweezers?” “They didn’t really work. Chopsticks are much better.” “Oh, I was starting to worry.” Once after Mass at “second church” at our favorite little joint, I pulled my little pill thingy out of my bag to take my morning supplements with breakfast and noticed my fingers were all yellow. I was baffled. I just wiped them off and went on with the rest of my day, forgetting all about it. Until a while later I was putting on a white top and saw some bright yellow stains all around where I would naturally grab to yank the top down. What the heck? Turmeric. My turmeric supplement was the culprit. I went on Amazon and read the reviews of this highly recommended brand and sure enough, many people posted to be careful when taking them because they stained clothes, counters, and basically anything else they came into contact with. They had no solutions or ha...

Like every morning, I had pulled up the daily readings for my prayer time. It was Monday of the thirty-third week in ordinary time. Since we’re nearing the end of the Catholic year (Advent starts December 1), it was not a surprise to see a reading from Revelation, “Realize how far you have fallen. Repent, and do the works you did at first.“ Noted. The Psalm was a familiar one, with a similar message, “For the LORD watches over the way of the just, but the way of the wicked vanishes.” Check. Then, there was the Gospel. Luke 18:35-43 tells the story of the healing of a blind beggar. In Luke he’s not named, but in Mark he’s known as Bartimaeus. Anyway, Jesus and a crowd were going by the blind man, and when he heard it was Jesus he started shouting out: Jesus, Son of David, have pity on me! They told him to shut up but he kept hollering louder for Jesus to have pity on him. “Then Jesus stopped…” and asked him, “What do you want me to do for you?” I’ve had this reading many times, and I al...

  When was the last time I bought something online without reading all the 1- and 3-star reviews? When was the last time I didn’t watch a video review of a movie or TV show to either confirm what I thought about it, or to “tell me” what to think about it? When was the last time I followed a recipe as written before reading the comments to see other people’s hacks or modifications? When was the last time I formed an opinion about a current event without first checking at least three articles or the commentary of someone I “trust”? Am I losing the ability to think critically? Once recently, Bob caught me giving him my “review” of a breakfast sandwich I had ordered at our favorite after-Mass joint (Incidentally, we call this “second Church” because we’re usually surrounded by our fellow parishioners after 7:30 Mass). I was a little surprised and laughed it off at the time, but I have been thinking that he had a point. We live in a funny time where we are influenced, but we’re also in...

  “I didn’t want another dog.” This was my theme song for the first several months after bringing home Stein Eriksen, the dog. First of all, yes. His name is Stein Eriksen. First name: Stein. Last name: Eriksen. He is named after Stein Eriksen the human, a Norwegian Olympic skier known for winning gold and silver at the 1952 Oslo Olympics. Because of his innovative and graceful skiing techniques, he is known as the “father of freestyle skiing,” and his influence extended into his career as a sought-after ski instructor. He worked at various U.S. ski resorts, including Michigan’s Boyne Mountain—one of our favorite places on planet Earth. So this was what inspired us to name our Bernese Mountain Dog puppy after Eriksen, adding a personal touch to Stein’s name that ties back to our years of vacations at Boyne Mountain. But, you see, I did not want another dog. Riley (just a first name but he did have a middle name: Joseph) was an Australian Shepherd and he was, is, and always will be ...

 “Ooh, doors!” I said, excited about the upgrade. Bob had to agree. “Yeah, better than curtains, huh?” We both had to admit that having an actual door felt like a small but significant victory over the typical thin cotton barrier between me and everyone else here for their own rounds of prodding and poking. Today it was my turn—I was in for a colonoscopy. Nobody wants to talk about this test, even though it is common. Often prescribed for people over 45 as a screening for colorectal cancer, it’s still “the procedure that must not be named” because it’s just too embarrassing to talk about. What’s worse than talking about the test itself is the prep for it. The instructions that came to me from the doctor’s office ( physical paper printouts if you can believe that, complete with highlights, notes, and underlines) just told me what to buy (Dulcolax, Miralax, and Gatorade), and when to take what: 3 pm, 6 pm, and 11 pm. What the sheets did not say was what happens in between those time...