Still Polly

"Your hair is stunning ," she said. The woman worked in the building She was wearing a skirt suit, heels, and a badge. "I used to have a pixie," she went on. She had very curly hair, about shoulder length. She told me she has a hair appointment on May 6th and said she might just go back to it after seeing mine. I think I said, "this is just what came back after chemo." "Good for you, you look amazing !" And she disappeared down a hallway. I sat there, stunned. I had been stunned before she walked up. More to the point, I was in shock. I had just had my infusion port removed. I opted to have the port removed in the doctor's office instead of the O.R. This way I could drive myself and not bother anyone. When I made the appointment the woman on the phone said it was my choice and said it really depended on "how squeamish you are." I was feeling pretty confident and relaxed when I went in. I was shown to a room with a big chai...

"Will you even feel like celebrating?" Bob text me. Today was my last of 28 daily radiation treatments. We had planned a celebration dinner tonight, and a day off tomorrow with no plans other than to do something fun to celebrate the end of cancer treatment. I waited a long time before responding to his text. No, I don't feel like celebrating. For a couple of reasons. After almost 10 months since discovering the lump that was cancer, I don't have a plan. I now just have appointments. It's a little scary to think about. A fellow radiation patient and I were discussing this last week. After having people surrounding you with care -- weekly, even daily care -- suddenly you're done. It's something I've joked about, "what will I do now?" But it's a real feeling, almost like being abandoned. And then there's the matter of "the burn." This past weekend things changed for me. I had been sporting the bright red, rashy burn ...

"I didn't marry you for your hair," Bob said. "I married you for all this."  He pointed to the mantle. "You married me for my decorating ?" Well, for sure if he was marrying someone for their hair, it wouldn't have been me. And if he was going to marry someone for their decorating, he could have done worse. But of course he meant all this . This life we've created together. This little exchange happened on Christmas morning during a crying jag. I had showered and changed into some new clothes that were gifts from Bob. I was struggling to choose a hat to wear with the outfit. I found one that matched perfectly, which he pointed out. But instead of taking the compliment, I fell apart. "I feel so ugly," I told him. See, there was still the matter of BEING BALD. During the baldest time, when my head was super smooth and shiny, I was self-conscious about going without a hat even in front of Bob. My appearance had changed so much...