Still Polly

"It just means you've got blue eyes and you've been in the sun." Dr. B told me. I was back in the dermatologist's office to have the little spot on my arm treated with liquid nitrogen. She had done a biopsy a few weeks ago and it was diagnosed as actinic keratosis, a precancerous lesion, which can develop into squamous cell cancer -- the type of cancer I had in my breast. So taking no chances sounded like a good idea to me. A little freeze and in 3 minutes I was out the door. Quite a contrast with the other appointment I had last week. Mapping for radiation. And just like that the celebration of being "finished with chemo" came to a very abrupt halt. Like everything since my diagnosis, nothing went the way I imagined. "You'll lie on a table," they said. Lying down? That sounds comfortable, I thought. "We'll make a mold of your body for precise positioning," they told me. I imagined being cradled in memory foam. ...

"Mommy..." I was in the aisle looking at towels when a woman and her young daughter turned in. The little girl said, "Mommy," then something about me. Did she say BALD? It kind of sounded like bald. But she may have said "her hair is white," which I know, sounds nothing like "bald." "Her hair is bald?" Maybe. But that doesn't make any sense, even for a kid. This was it. I had been waiting for it to happen, and when it finally did, I was too "got" by the incident to really hear and remember exactly what the kid said.  I looked down at her and we made eye contact. She was so cute. She became embarrassed when she realized I heard her, and she turned her back toward me. The next part I did hear. "Sorry about that," she said. It was surprising how adult that phrase sounded coming from a 5-year-old. "It's okay," I told her, and pretended to keep looking at bath towels, while thinking: ...

"Today you graduate." Dr. N patted me on the head. My teeny tiny (white) Mohawk is coming in nicely, and it makes me giggle to think about him feeling comfortable enough with me that he touches. As usual he asked how I was feeling and if I was experiencing any neuropathy. I told him no, just the annoying side effects he already knew about. He asked if I had met with Dr. M about radiation, and I let him know I'm all scheduled for prep and ready to go. And that was it. I will see Dr. N every 6 months for the next 5 years. A couple of hours later I was all finished with chemo. Just like that. Looking back on the last 20 weeks, there were lots of funny things that happened. There were so many times Bob and I laughed. I wish I could remember them all. Here are some things I do remember. Side effects are funny things.  Not funny "haha" of course. They can be really serious and painful for lots of people. I had my share of awful ones early on. Many days I ...